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17 July 2010 @ 12:08 am
FMA fic: "Unclehood"  
Name: Unclehood
Pairings: Edwin, hints of Almei
Rating: PG-13, for sexual implications
Summary: Ed got Winry what? Written from Al's POV. A continuation of sorts of Apple Pie Makes Babies?



Alphonse had mixed views on his brother's capacity to be responsible. During their journey, Edward always looked after his brother, his companions, and managed (somehow) to keep them all alive after defeating the most evil force known to man.

But then there were times Ed would forget to feed Den, forget to do his military paperwork or if he was working on some new theory, even forget to eat.

So  when he got a certain letter while he was still in Xing, he couldn't help but be very very worried;

Dear Al,

How's everything in Xing? Still hanging out with that idiot prince emperor? I hear you've got some problems with the old nobility there. Hope that gets sorted out all right.


Al found this introduction odd; Edward wasn't usually so polite in asking how things were going in Xing. Usually he just went straight for the--

And how's everything with that little alchemy girl? Has she forced you into marriage yet?

Yep, there it was. Al had given a sigh and thought perhaps this letter would be like every other letter, except...

Hey, listen, could you maybe come back to Resembool for a little while? You know, no more than a couple months...like eight or so...it would be really nice if you could come and visit because we'd love to see you and

There was a space good enough for a paragraph left on the paper, making Alphonse wonder what it was that Ed was so reluctant to say until--

...Winry's pregnant.

Help me.


Alphonse was on the train the very next day. Though he didn't realize until an hour later while the train was speeding towards Amestris that Mei Chan had followed him. "I want to see everyone again!" was her excuse. "And I certainly don't want to let you go traveling all by yourself, Alphosne-sama!" Al had a feeling that wasn't all of it, but he just smiled to himself and kept quiet.

Upon arriving at Resembool, the first thing he heard upon entering Pinako's house was a shout--

"Why didn't you tell me Al was coming? We could have waited with the wedding!"

"Winry! I didn't know he was coming! I thought he would wait a bit before--!"

"You did not! Don't tell me that! You told him to come back home in your letter, didn't you! Now I don't even have an apple pie baked and I look like a mess and our house isn't even finished!"

At that point, Alphonse decided to walk into the living room to avoid Winry doing any permanent harm to his brother. "Hi?"

Edward looked up from where he was cowering behind his wife. "Hi."

And then he bolted before she got another chance to start on him.

And then it was Alphonse's turn to lecture as Winry greeted Mei Chan and both pretended she hadn't been howling at the top of her lungs when they walked in.. "I kind of expected something like this, but really, I got on the train right after I got your letter! You couldn't have waited a week to get married?"

"I told you, we figured we'd better get it done before anyone spotted a baby bump." Edward muttered to himself, playing with the silver ring on his finger. "It wasn't a big thing, you know--just a few witnesses and Granny. We didn't want to bring any attention to it."

"Still, if you did go for a big wedding, you could've invited all our friends. The General, Sensei, Armstrong...It would have been nice to have a reunion like that."

Ed rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and how fast would a paper get hold of that and have 'FullMetal Alchemist gets married!' all over it? The next article would tell all of Amestris that Winry's pregnant, too. I'm not putting her through that."

Alphonse stared at Edward for a long moment. "What?" his brother asked.

Al couldn't help but smile to himself. "I guess you're more mature than you look."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

Al chuckled. "Still, you're going to have to grow up a lot more if you want to make this work out."

"Don't I know it. Every time I do anything she lets into me about how 'that sort of behavior can't happen around the baby!'."

"Honeymoon over already?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "This is the honeymoon..."

Al laughed until he realized Ed was serious.



There was a lot to get done before before the baby arrived. First, they'd have to finish building their house. Lots of the townsfolk decided to help as a way of paying back all the help the boys gave over the years. It was completed sooner than they thought it would be, and the only thing left to do was for Ed to finish the nursery, a project he hadn't allowed anyone else to take up.

Unfortunately Ed would never get the hang of this 'building with your hands' stuff, and the crib ended up looking more like a  stubby legged spider than than something designed to hold a fragile infant. Al offered to give Ed an alchemical hand, and Ed let him, on the condition that Winry would never find out about it.

Winry mellowed down a bit once she got her hormones under control and Ed stopped accidentally implying that he thought she was getting fat. "Aren't you worried?" Mei had asked him one night as Edward and Winry went back to their new house while yelling at each other. "They do fight a lot."

"Nope." Al waved it off. "They secretly love it."

And no sooner had he said that than the shouting mysteriously stopped and Edward and Winry back in his arms, racing back to their bedroom.

Actually, it was kind of odd seeing his brother and his best friend being...well, not exactly romantic, but certainly intimate. When Al left them, Ed and Winry were still edging into being an official couple (well, that's what he wanted to believe at least) and were still just getting the hang of what that meant. An occasional kiss there, a touch of flirting there was enough to make Al laugh about how he knew all along that they were meant to be.

But finding his brother and his best friend making out (that's all he hoped they were doing) behind the shed was something new.

Maybe he felt disturbed because Ed was his brother and Winry was like his sister and wow that metaphor went in a totally wrong direction, but that's what it felt like.

And then there was that rather disturbing time when he saw Winry slap Ed's butt after they had been flirting in the kitchen (though what apple pie had to do with that, Al would never know). What made it worse was given Ed's reaction, this was a normal thing. And then when she mentioned missing Ed's leather pants, well, Al decided it was time to leave the room.

And he recalled a time soon after their new house was built that Al came over for dinner. Oddly enough, his brother and Winry suggested they eat in the living room instead of on the table. Al mentioned it was silly and sat down at the table with his plate and both his brother and Winry turned bright red...And still refused to eat at the table.

Al was halfway through his mashed potatoes when he realized why.

Then there was that one thing he might have witnessed, but he put all of his effort in never, ever recalling that memory. Thank god the only thing he got an eyeful of was his brother's naked butt.

Knowing his brother was doing his best friend was one thing. Seeing it was something entirely different.

Something he sure hoped he could get used to, because he knew those two would never give it a rest.

When the baby finally arrived Edward was more nervous than the rest of them. At one point, Pinako actually had to throw him out of the birthing room, yelling that she wasn't going to let him back in if he kept squealing like a scared cat. He eventually got back in to see the birth of his son, but Winry had been more calm than him through the whole process.

"Ohmygodohmygod Winry, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you---AUUUGHHH!"

"It's--unghh--just the head, Ed--aughhh! It's supposed to look like--unnnnn!"

"Just one more push, Winry!" Pinako had said, expecting Winry to be the one to wail at the top of her lungs.

"Winry! Winry! OH MY GOD WINRY! IT'S--ugh..."

Then there was a cry of a newborn that broke through the air.

"Ed? It's...fine, Ed...it's over now...I'm fine...EDWARD, IF YOU PUKE ON ME I'LL KILL YOU!"



After that fiasco, Alphonse had expected everything to settle down. Ed had gotten over his initial fright and was now becoming a doting father to rival Hughes. Ed and Winry did one better though, naming their son Alphonse, and he had to fight hard not to tear up from being so touched.

Though after the baby was born he saw a lot less of his brother and Winry. He knew they'd be busy with a newborn and he didn't bother them too often--except stopping by to make sure his brother was eating. Turns out he forgot quite a lot these days, too.

But about a month after the baby was born, Al figured it was probably time to get back to his own life. The nine months here looking after Ed and Winry was nice, and getting to see his nephew born was a treat, but there were still places to go and things he wanted to see. Mei was also anxious to see how Xing had fared in all those months.

About a day before he was going to leave, Ed came back to Pinako's house, which Al took was him coming to say goodbye.

Nope.

His brother hardly looked like himself anymore. His hair was disheveled and unwashed, bags were under his eyes, he yawned every few minutes, and stains covered his rumpled clothes. "Al. Please."

"What?" he asked, still struck by how horrible his brother looked.

Ed grabbed Al and shook him. "You've got to help me!"

"What? What do you need, Nii-san?!" He asked, trying to hold his worry down.

"I--CAN'T--DO--THIS." Ed's eyes were now wide and staring. "The kid. It screams. It screams a lot. Haven't slept in days. And then it pukes. It pukes everywhere. And the diapers! Every five minutes. Poops. You change it and then it poops again. And then just as you run out and need to wash a load more IT POOPS AGAIN. AND THEN IT CRIES!"

"Well, no one ever said having a baby was easy--"

"I HAVEN'T GOTTEN LAID IN MONTHS! I'M GOING TO DIE HERE!"

Al really wished his brother hadn't shared that one. "Well, if you're not getting any sleep, Nii-san, I guess I can help you out. But Mei and I are going back to Xing tomorrow, so its only one night--"

Ed gave his brother a spontaneous (and tight) hug. "THANK YOU." and then he ran back to his own house to (presumably) tell Winry.

When Winry came over to drop Baby Al off, she looked nearly as bad as Ed. "And here's his favorite blanket, and here's a couple of toys...spare diapers, oh, and here's some milk in his bottle. I pumped some more and have it in this bag if he is really hungry--"

Alphonse touched the milk with two fingers and immediately handed it to Pinako. He resolved to let Pinako or Mei handle feeding the baby when it came down to it. Knowing that it was something that--ew--came from his best friend was a bit too disturbing to think about.

"Thanks!" Winry had smiled and hugged them, and walked back to their house, arm and arm with her husband.

Actually, babysitting Baby Al wasn't that bad. It was close to his bedtime anyway, so he didn't do much, (well, he was only a month old; how much did any of them really expect him to do?) but he was downright adorable to look at. Baby Al had his father's eyes and hair, and Al was certain he would look more like Ed as he got older.

He just hoped that the baby didn't start acting like its father--one Edward running around was enough.

But it was nice to see how motherly Mei was as she scooped the little one up and fed him (Alphonse refused to even touch the bottle the milk was in). Actually, it was pretty nice to look at. Mei may have been a few years younger, but she was getting pretty mature now and...

*ahem* Well, this wasn't the time to think about that. Didn't Ed already warn him how much work kids were?

But this baby didn't seem like that much work! In fact, he was being quite good just laying there, cooing adorably, grabbing his finger when he held it out--

And pooping. Well, its to be expected, he's a baby after all.

And barfing. He supposed he should have put a towel down before he burped the baby.

And crying.

And more crying.

And he was crying again? What was it this time? He was fed he was warm he didn't need to be changed what what--AHHHHHHH!

The next morning, Al and Mei were quite ready to be rid of Baby Al. Pinako was the only one who slept the night. ("After so many kids in the house, you get used to it", she chuckled.)

When the knocked on the door, they were surprised to see Ed, dressed only in his boxers, stumble down the hallway. Al stepped in front of Mei a bit to, er..shield her eyes.

"You're here already?" Ed yawned, wiping the bags under his eyes.

"I told you my train leaves at eleven." Al sighed. "I have to get ready and get to the station."

Edward took his son, still yawning. "Still, you could have waited an hour. I didn't get any sleep last night."

Al stared. "Didn't get any sleep? I thought that was the whole point of me--"

It was then that he saw Winry at the top of the stairs, yawning and covered only by a blanket.

Al stared for a moment, redness growing on everyone's faces, before giving a very quick "Bye!" and left.

While on the train riding away from Amestris, Al resolved to wait quite a while before having children.
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Ashley: Fishy facerainbowhonda on July 17th, 2010 04:18 pm (UTC)
This was awesome and so funny.
Lovely job. <3